


Tony Trolled

by Arukou



Series: Tumblr Archive [7]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 03:53:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5275508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arukou/pseuds/Arukou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A magic glitter bomb has the team in an awkward position and lucky Tony's the only one who doesn't get hit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tony Trolled

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this post](http://tygermama.tumblr.com/post/92286638452/the-avengers-get-really-bored-one-day-and-pick) and originally [posted here](http://arukou-arukou.tumblr.com/post/118019933136/tony-trolled).

“Sorry I took so long guys. They demanded I stay until the suit was verified 100% free of magic glitter shi…what. The. Hell?”

“Apparently the ‘magic glitter’ was not completely inert” Sam says, raising an eyebrow. He shrugs helplessly, gesturing to all of the Avengers, who’d been covered head to toe in glistening silver the last time he’d seen them. Tony’s brain hiccups, jump-starts, and then hiccups again, like a manual transmission driven by a thirteen year-old.

Sam stands shirtless, just Hulk’s stretchy pants covering his legs. It’s an…appreciable view, Tony decides, eyes darting down in a once over before moving on.

Bruce’s left arm is bare to the shoulder, but the rest of him is done up in black leather and explosives, and Tony feels a brief moment of panic. Strapping hand grenades to the Hulk is maybe not the best idea the Avengers have ever had. For all that a veritable arsenal is arrayed around him, Bruce looks deadpan, and he’s flipping a knife between his fingers. Almost like…

“Wait…did you all…?”

Bucky is grim-faced, but not his usual stony, silent self. He’s in the Captain America uniform, which fits him shockingly well, and his chin juts forward as though he’s borrowed a bit of Steve’s good old-fashioned “yes we can” attitude.

“We can work this out,” he says as his eyes meet Tony’s. “We’ve got magic users through Phil. Someone can probably switch us back.”

“So you’re…”

“Steve,” Bucky says, looking simultaneously bashful and irritated. Tony’s not sure if he’s ever seen their resident amnesiac look anything other than murderous and it’s throwing him for a loop.

Tony’s eyes travel to Natasha, who stands at Steve’s side, dwarfed by Thor’s armor. The cape puddles around her feet, but she stands tall and the hammer swings from at her side, singing softly as it travels through the air. That’s what really convinces him. That fucking monstrosity of a hammer, happy as can be in Natasha’s grasp.

“Holy shit,” Tony says, feeling his legs grow weak. He grasps absently for the sofa, and manages to sit down on an arm before he falls down entirely.

“Indeed, Anthony,” says Natasha who is not Natasha. She’s fucking _Thor_. “It would seem that for some time, I will occupy a body of the fairer sex.”

“So the body’s switched…” Tony says slowly, pointing down the line.

“But not the clothes,” Thor finishes. Except it’s not Thor. That’s Clint, vest stretched tight over a frame several inches larger than it’s made for. The hem rides high and the pants ride low so that Tony can see (and envy) the perfect cut of Thor’s abs. 

Clint’s body is now in the exo-armor, and it’s a good thing he and Sam are virtually the same size, because otherwise that harness could probably pop his shoulders out of their sockets. He’s got a cool, collected smile on his face that screams “Weird shit happens to the Avengers all the time, but I just roll with it.” Tony wishes he could borrow a little of Sam’s cool.

“What kind of supervillain switches the bodies, but not the clothes?” Tony says aloud, gaze still passing from one Avenger to another. “Wait. Where’s Steve?”

“I’m right here,” says Bucky who’s not Bucky.

“No. Your body. Your body wearing…”

Right on cue, the bathroom door opens and Steve who is not Steve comes out, naked to the waist, the V of Natasha’s uniform riding dangerously low on his abdomen.

“I can’t believe you have the same size hips as me,” he says to Bucky-Steve with a smirk. “Maybe we should get you one of my cat suits for stealth ops.”

Tony can feel his that his jaw has dropped, that his mouth gapes like an open invitation to a swarm of flies, but he can’t seem to close it again. Nat-Steve looks ridiculous, the legs of the uniform half-way up her calves, the arms dangling freely at her hips, and a mile of pale skin on display for all of them to see.

She turns to Tony and her smirk sharpens and deepens. “Like what you see, Stark?”

He reaches for a comeback, for something, anything to deflect their sudden attention, and finds that his mind is completely and entirely blank. And what’s worse, he apparently doesn’t even have two neurons to rub together to make his jaw snap shut again. The gaping continues, and he feels heat rising in his cheeks. Holy fuck, he’s blushing. He hasn’t blushed since 1984, but damn if it’s not happening now.

Suddenly, Sam-Clint sputters, his lips pinching tight like he’s holding in something.

It dawns on Tony in one horrible instant.

“You. Assholes.”

Clint bursts out laughing, eyes squeezed shut and hands slapping knees. “Oh my god,” he gasps. “Your face. You…did you see your face? JARVIS? Please tell me you can show him his face.”

Thor and Sam are laughing, too, and Bruce is shaking with suppressed chuckles. Bucky and Natasha are sharing a smirk that is simultaneously heartening and terrifying. Steve’s shit-eating grin outshines them all as he saunters toward Tony, Nat’s uniform still sitting dangerously low on his hips.

“The magic glitter? Turns out there wasn’t all that much magic. Clothes swapping. Not bodies.”

“And you thought it would be a good idea to just roll with it?”

Steve’s grin grows wider still, a feat Tony had thought impossible. “Well, Clint’s right. Your face? Definitely worth it.”

“The hammer?” Tony asks, watching as Natasha swings it easily at her hip. Thor’s expression slips, but her smile, if anything sharpens.

“I’m planning my takeover of Asgard as we speak.”

The inventor turns on Bruce next, pointing an accusing finger. “I thought we were science bros. And since when can you flip a knife like a master assassin?”

“Things you pick up treating patients in slums,” he says with a shrug and a grin. “It’s a pretty handy skill, really. As for the science bros, I have to point out. This wasn’t science; it was magic.”

Tony glares at them all, taking in the stretched seams and pooled fabric, and growls out, “I really fucking hate magic.”

**Author's Note:**

> For more fanfiction and nerdery, you can find me on [tumblr](http://arukou-arukou.tumblr.com/).


End file.
